So there is goes, another year.

Another 365 (or in this case, 366) days to try and be a good person. To take each day as it comes – each morning a clean slate. Learning from the day before, and doing as much as I can to make each day important in some way. Don’t get me wrong, I probably manage this less than half of the time, but even just trying makes me feel better.

Writing

If I’m completely honest, this year hasn’t at all been like I thought it would be.

I had hopes for certain things, and belief that other things would surely happen. But in the end, none of it did. Some of it was delayed, some of it sort of evaporated, rather like over-boiled stew.

There have been disappointments. Things I always told myself would happen eventually – but would hurt when they did. But it’s all part of the game. And you never quite know what’s around the corner with any story. Life is a collection of chapters. None of them go on forever. Some end in a cliffhanger, and some… just… end. But then another chapter follows. And that could change anything.

I’m being cryptic, I know. Ultimately, I wanted to have LOTS of good news to share during 2024, but I don’t. Not quite yet, anyway. Lots of waiting. Lots of learning how to be patient.

But there’s also been hope. Lots of wonderful conversations. Affirming support from the publishing industry. It’s been fab to see my work still in bookshops. And I’ve recorded podcasts, sat on two extraordinary panels at WorldCon (one on genre-bending literary work and the other on fiction as philosophical thought-experiments), joined a panel at Granite Noir exploring the uncanny, and that’s only the stuff I remember.

I started two new books. One is the latest fiction novel, which I hope to finish by next spring. It’s my Sea story, the one I’ve been teasing for quite a long time. The other is weirder – poetic, goblinesque. I’m going to polish them until they’re perfect, and then I hope you all get a chance to read them.

Home

It’s been a year of learning balance, really. I started the year on maternity leave, between books, with a two year old and a four month old. I was tired, quite overwhelmed, and struggled to look ahead.

I sometimes think that learning to live in the present has been the hardest lesson that motherhood has taught me. I’ve also lived a bit in the future – planning for tomorrow, dreaming, hoping. But when you have small children, there’s only so much of this you can do. And even then, things can fall apart in a second. Something deep in me had to break, so I could accept this. The part of me that held firm to plans, struggled to adapt to change, and was crushed by the unexpected. Once that part broke, and I started to heal around it, I realised that I’d started to let go of any certainty of anything, really. And looking back, the rigidity I used to pride myself on came with a lot of fear. But now, I’ve been freed from it. A little, anyway.

I love my little family. I’m so proud of them every day. Little N already wants to write stories. He is so, so imaginative. Loves to pretend. And is so, so caring. He loves his little sister, R, so very much. And she is the sweetest, most gentle creature. Until she’s annoyed of course, and then she’s a juggernaut. Both N and R are strong. They know who they are, and remind me to be good and kind.

In teaching them, we also teach ourselves.

Having two very young children has made the rest of life somewhat squished. But everything fits in, somehow. I’m heading into 2025 with an almost four year old, and a 16 month old. It’s been a year of planting lots of seeds. Hopefully they’ll be blooming and blossoming for years and years to come.

2025…

If 2025 had three words attached to it, they would be: Steady. Strong. Determined.

I’m trying to ground myself. No rushing. No panic. No flights of fancy, even. Just determination to get things right, tell stories as I truly mean to, and work hard to get things done.

Balancing work, life, writing, a family, and just being able to enjoy yourself too, is never going to be easy. But how FULL it can be! And how lucky I am to be able to live so many lives.

I’ll be at more book events, talking more, and living this strange, busy, twisty life to the fullest. Or at least trying to. I’ll just ignore all the nursery-bugs and mental breakdowns, eh? 😛

Here’s to another year. Speak soon!
C.x