I'm a compulsive wordsmith, writer, poet, artisan, and sometimes crafter of woollen curiosities.
Visit CarolineHardakerWrites.com for written endeavours, or Knittynudo.wordpress.com for some curiously felted little creatures.
It’s happening! The books are arriving the publishers’ tomorrow, my author page is live… It’s official – I’m a poet! A poet with her own book of poetry. Her own book of bones.
Here it is, in all its glory:
I’ve been noticing it popping up here, there, and everywhere online for pre-order; Waterstones, Amazon, Foyles, WHSmith… But it’s seeing it officially listed on the Valley Press website that made me squeeeeeee. Seeing my author page with my grinning face looking back at me. It’s real. My first book.
Like so many people I’d always hoped to see something that was MINE in print, even if it was just the once. Years ago this seemed like such a distant prospect, I doubted it would ever happen. But here we are – I’ve done it! And I’m determined to do more. I feel like I’ve started to discover the world I want to write about. I’m still on a journey but hey – aren’t we all? But for now, I’m going to revel in these here bones.
You can read more and order Bone Ovation through the Valley Press website.
As the publication date for Bone Ovation approaches, I’m slowly becoming involved with literary events and (heaven forfend!) doing some actual spoken word poetry. This is something I really enjoy as an audience member but I’ve always put off as a performer. Seconds after considering the possibility I’d hear that little voice inside whispering ‘Why would they want to listen to you?’, ‘But where’s the drama?’, ‘Wouldn’t you be dull dull dull?’ Well – I’ve told that listen voice to shut the hell up and I’m already booked for two events!
I’m no rapper. When I listen to spoken word, the readers frequently have this rhythmic bouncing in their sentences, their voice lilts towards just the right points and it’s mesmerising. There’s nothing natural about that bounce and sing-song melody, it’s a skill, learnt and practised. I don’t think it’s my style, but then again, much of that spoken word scene is portraying a different message to me. I don’t have to read like that, I can read like me. And isn’t that so much better than a semi-satisfactory imitation of someone else?
Valley Press have put me forward to read at Ilkley Literature Festival in October (I’ll blog about it a little bit more nearer the time!), and I’ll be reading at the Launch of the second issue of Lungs in Newcastle in the weeks before that. I’m actually quite excited, though that’s probably because right now it’s all a distant prospect. VP is putting me forward for one or two other things too, and I was asked to film or record myself reading. So I picked a couple of poems, wrote them in my notebook with special intonation annotations (I’ll write a blog post about this in the future too!), propped up my Samsung on the bookshelf and gave it a go. For a first attempt, they didn’t go too badly.
You can watch me read two poems from Bone Ovation over here on YouTube:
I thought it might be nice to do a little blog about the process I’ve experienced while producing my first poetry chapbook! Before submitting, I used to Google this a lot, searching for advice, reassurance, and what to try. Even though everyone’s experiences are so different, they really did help me to get my head around the cover letter and waiting times, never mind the assembling of the collection!
It took a while to bring together the poems for ‘Bone Ovation’. I know a lot of poets decide to write a collection based on a theme and write ‘to spec’, or at lease write a few additional poems to add in once the theme was decided. I never intended to write a collection about bones at all. I had reached a point when I felt like I had quite a few poems which fit together in some way, but it took a little while to identify which would be included in my submission. Initially the collection was a study of the body during sleep and wakefulness, and the poems weaved through day dreams, night terrors, and everything in between. It was bones that united them all (something I wasn’t aware of at all when writing!), and the final poem ‘Bone Ovation’ acted like a standing ovation to the rest of the pieces. A showstopper, of sorts. It’s well worth looking through your poems for recurring words, ideas, or even moments of the day. You might be surprised by what your subconscious is pushing out to the world!
I hung on right to the end of Valley Press’ submission period to send my manuscript sample, choosing (I think it was) 6 poems that carried the fantasy element of the collection but varied in tone and length. My theory behind that was that I hoped at least one would suit the publisher’s taste, though I don’t know how reliable that theory is! Waiting until near the end of the submission period meant I had longer to work on the manuscript and less time to grip my face in angst. In the past I’ve submitted poems to journals really promptly and did a major face-palm when I noticed a typo that I’d have had plenty of time to fix if I hadn’t already submitted. Major d’oh moment.
It was about three months before hearing back from Valley Press, but since then their submissions process has changed and they have an open-ended application process, so you might potentially hear sooner. They’d also had hundreds and hundreds of submissions, and my experience of editing the White Noise & Ouija Boards anthology for Three Drops Press has taught me how time consuming it is to select even single poems! I sent the whole manuscript and clenched.
A couple of weeks later I received an email from Jamie McGarry, VP’s head honcho, saying that the Valley Press reading group had been enjoying my chapbook and that we should meet up. I instantly felt inflated with glee and yet still didn’t quite believe it. I read the email lots of times first in case I’d somehow interpreted a ‘thank you but no’ as a ‘yes’. Eventually I responded to the email with an incredibly over-excited response – littered with nonsensical wording and typos – I was so excited!
A few weeks later we met up in person to talk through what would happen next, which poems to include (I’d sent a few too many to be eligible for some pamphlet focussed awards), and then did the official VP handshake to seal the deal. I bounced off into York and spent quite a lot of money in my joyous state. I’d done it! Valley Press had been the only publisher I’d submitted ‘Bone Ovation’ to, and I’d never imagined that I’d get this far. I truly didn’t. In truth, I’d normally submit to multiple publishers as long as they accepted simultaneous submissions. I don’t put all my eggs in one basket as a rule. I know how many submissions places receive and the chances are extraordinarily slim of being accepted, so why not increase your chances?
I travelled back home and on the train, and immediately started amending the manuscript according to our discussion notes. We also set a date for publication – the 5th of October, around 7 months after our meeting. Jamie was also really on the ball with cover designs, and sent me the first incarnation around a month after our meeting. It was a magical feeling, knowing that he was delving deep into what it all meant and trying to interpret it visually. The cover isn’t quite set yet as of today but we’ve a pretty strong idea of how it will look. This is partly due to the wonderful fact that VP is keen for the author to be involved in the cover too.
Four months after our first meeting we met in York again! This time Jamie, me, VP’s intern (the lovely Harriet), and Char Marsh sat around the table. Char had experienced interest in the pamphlet when it was being considered (she’s part of VP’s reading group), and so she’d been officially hired to pull it to bits and help me piece it back together. I was a bit nervous before the get-together, but Char made the process so interesting. We told each other a little bit about ourselves and then we headed straight into the considered and sometimes brutal feedback. She was incredibly honest and professional, and the time with her was invaluable in terms of me seeing it all from a completely different perspective. I came away feeling uplifted and inspired, with quite a lot to do in the next two weeks.
This final edit was difficult, in the sense that I had to kill a few darlings with little mercy. I went through each poem in turn, trying to be as objective as I could. Some poems I changed a lot, some I removed or swapped, and some I kept exactly as they are. In the end I decided that whatever changes I made or didn’t make were ok as long as I had a justification for it. Char was pleased with the amended copy, which for me meant a huge loud ‘whoop!’
And that’s pretty much all my stuff done! As of today, we’re yet to confirm the cover (though we’re nearly there), format and typeset, and then to print! What comes next is going to be a different sort of adventure. A launch party, seeking reviews, promos, events. Valley Press have their own PR guru, but many pamphlet publishers don’t, and instead integrate it into what the publishers themselves do. Some publishers ask that the author be willing to seek some PR too, which seems only fair to me in lots of ways, but that’s another post for the future I think. I’ll write about that when I get there!
This week I’ve had two poems published in a literary magazine in the US, The Hungry Chimera. It’s a stunning and contemporary mix of stories, poems, and artwork that give you a little dark thrill. I probably sound like I’m saying this just because I’m in it, but I honestly think this is one of the most beautifully put together magazines I’ve been in. And my two poems are right at the beginning!
You know that feeling when you’re tied up in a few too many tangles and you begin to feel a bit like you’re drowning? I know that feeling only too well. I have a habit of excitedly starting several projects – sure that I can manage them no problem. ‘Another submission? Sure thang!’
But I’ve been feeling really tired lately. I’m still really keen to do everything, and I want to get up and write or read or speak, it’s just some evenings I want to close my eyes, lay on the sofa, and just not think at all. This is probably totally normal after a long day of writing for the job I do through the week. But still, it’s made me feel a bit soft, squidgy, and rather like a long and floppy flump.
So I’ve decided to be really mindful of myself, my body, how I feel, and how I think. Not giving your body the fuel it needs will cause even the most considered engine to burn out, just as pushing yourself too hard can result in a total system breakdown. I’m not the fittest person in the world, but I’m not horribly unfit. I love cake. I love biscuits. I love wine. And mead. And chorizo. Oh GODS I love chorizo. I’d had quite long periods when I’ve done yoga, but at the moment I just don’t feel like there are enough hours in the day. That statement itself is full of irony though – as a quote sticks in my head by some Yogi or other about that fact that if you can’t find the time to meditate for 15 minutes then you actually need to meditate for 30 minutes. The point is that life shouldn’t be that rushed. Isn’t it the Italians that say the rest of the world can’t understand ‘the fine art f doing nothing’? That sounds wonderful to me.
Anyway, more strenuous exercise is usually not up my street anyway. I have something called Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, which means I’m basically not as co-ordinated or strong in the extremities as would be expected. Even if I speed up to a ‘trying to act casual’ trot if I’m rushing for a bus chances are my ankle will go over or my knees will give out. Anyway. calmer exercise is ideal – something like walking.
So I can keep track of how much I’m moving, I’ve bought a FitBit. Urgh. I’m definitely not going to become one of those people who becomes all consumed with tracking everything, but it is fascinating to see how I sleep, and watch my heartrate through the day. I also picked a FitBit with breathing exercises programmed into it so I can do little min meditations through the day.
I’ve only had it since last week, but it’s definitely giving me a bit of added motivation. I’m thinking about how much water I’m drinking, how many steps I do, and my overall activity a lot more, even if it nags to get me up for a little bit every hour. I’m hoping if I look after myself better my mind will be able to deal with multi-tasking and everything else a whole lot better. The worst that can happen is that all the added activity actually makes me even more tired – ha! But luckily, so far I actually feel quite good.
And this might mean that I get to eat cake guilt free. Woopee!
I’ve been a bit slow with updating this blog with little poems I’ve had published here and there, so I thought I’d do a mini one now!
A few months ago, Your One Phone Call published two of my poems on their website – ‘My Place’ and ‘Sun Burn’. You can read them through these links.
Working on bigger projects has meant that I haven’t had as much time to send off smaller pieces to anthologies and web journals. And there’s a few places that have requested bits and pieces from me and I still haven’t quite completed them, argh! But still, there are a few upcoming little pieces to expect from me in the next few months in The Hungry Chimera, Lungs, and Magma – among others. I’m particularly thrilled about Magma! They’re one of the top poetry magazines in the UK, and whilst I’ve been shortlisted before I never knew if I’d actually make it into an issue. And now I’ve done it! Woohoo!
Right – back to work on the novel (I’m DEFINITELY doing a post sometime soon about the massive task of doing the first edit. I had no idea how long it would take to even look through a single chapter!) and my next poetry collection. Not to mention editing the White Noise & Ouija Boards Anthology, doing edits from WoMentoring, finishing up my science fiction series for Shoreline of Infinity…
A few months ago I hit a bit of a wall. I’d been writing some short stories, and though the ideas kept coming, the wall I hit was more of a metaphysical one. I totally couldn’t tell if what I was writing was actually good or complete baloney. There was no way to tell. Though the stories were all different in terms of tone and theme, I couldn’t grade any of them, or work out if some were better than others or why. It mightn’t sound that bad, but an inability to judge what you’re doing probably means you can’t edit either. So how could I tell if I was making the stories better, or worse?
Totally coincidentally, I spotted that a poet friend of mine (also being published by Valley Press this year) was a Poetry Mentor through something called WoMentoring. I investigated further, and discovered that it’s a collective of literary women who are trying to help women writers who are lost in the mires of uncertainty. Their mission is:
‘To introduce successful literary women to other women writers at the beginning of their careers who would benefit from some insight, knowledge and support.’
You choose a mentor from the lists of relevant exceptionally talented women and write a little letter, telling them what you need help with and why. I wrote to a mentor (the fantastic Tracey Emerson) and heard back within a few weeks – and it was a big fat yes! I sent her three short stories and a clutch of flash fictions and the feedback Tracey has since sent back to me is just wonderful. Overall, it’s actually really encouraging, though she’s picked up some niggles here and there that I’d never have thought of but are altogether right. It’s made me think about what to look for whilst editing – and I think it’s at this point, after days and days of the early editing is over, when I start to lose the plot.
The next stage for me is to rework one of the stories and sent it back to her for another look. I’m taking my time – I need to do it justice. I’ve officially finished the first draft of my first novel now, so I’m resting it for a month or so (if I can!) to do these WoMentoring edits and work on editing the White Noise & Ouija Boards Anthology. And then back to the novel!
If it’s relevant to you, I can’t recommend WoMentoring enough. I really can’t. I somehow still can’t believe it exists without a catch! What it does is give you hope, a hand to hold, and a way out of the wilderness. It’s perfectly summed up in this illustration, created by one of the mentors: