My First Book – Published!

It’s happening! The books are arriving the publishers’ tomorrow, my author page is live… It’s official – I’m a poet! A poet with her own book of poetry. Her own book of bones.
Here it is, in all its glory:

Bove Ovation

I’ve been noticing it popping up here, there, and everywhere online for pre-order; Waterstones, Amazon, Foyles, WHSmith… But it’s seeing it officially listed on the Valley Press website that made me squeeeeeee. Seeing my author page with my grinning face looking back at me. It’s real. My first book.
Like so many people I’d always hoped to see something that was MINE in print, even if it was just the once. Years ago this seemed like such a distant prospect, I doubted it would ever happen. But here we are – I’ve done it! And I’m determined to do more. I feel like I’ve started to discover the world I want to write about. I’m still on a journey but hey – aren’t we all? But for now, I’m going to revel in these here bones.
You can read more and order Bone Ovation through the Valley Press website.

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Spoken Word Poetry – Reading at Events and on YouTube…

As the publication date for Bone Ovation approaches, I’m slowly becoming involved with literary events and (heaven forfend!) doing some actual spoken word poetry. This is something I really enjoy as an audience member but I’ve always put off as a performer. Seconds after considering the possibility I’d hear that little voice inside whispering ‘Why would they want to listen to you?’, ‘But where’s the drama?’, ‘Wouldn’t you be dull dull dull?’ Well – I’ve told that listen voice to shut the hell up and I’m already booked for two events!

Spoken Word Poetry

I’m no rapper. When I listen to spoken word, the readers frequently have this rhythmic bouncing in their sentences, their voice lilts towards just the right points and it’s mesmerising. There’s nothing natural about that bounce and sing-song melody, it’s a skill, learnt and practised. I don’t think it’s my style, but then again, much of that spoken word scene is portraying a different message to me. I don’t have to read like that, I can read like me. And isn’t that so much better than a semi-satisfactory imitation of someone else?

Valley Press have put me forward to read at Ilkley Literature Festival in October (I’ll blog about it a little bit more nearer the time!), and I’ll be reading at the Launch of the second issue of Lungs in Newcastle in the weeks before that. I’m actually quite excited, though that’s probably because right now it’s all a distant prospect. VP is putting me forward for one or two other things too, and I was asked to film or record myself reading. So I picked a couple of poems, wrote them in my notebook with special intonation annotations (I’ll write a blog post about this in the future too!), propped up my Samsung on the bookshelf and gave it a go. For a first attempt, they didn’t go too badly.

You can watch me read two poems from Bone Ovation over here on YouTube:

The Girl Who Fell in Love With the Mountain

Your Bones and My Bones are Chicken Bones

Plenty more practising to go, but I think I’ve turned a corner in terms of my own personal fears. Yessssssssssssss.

The Hungry Chimera

This week I’ve had two poems published in a literary magazine in the US, The Hungry Chimera. It’s a stunning and contemporary mix of stories, poems, and artwork that give you a little dark thrill. I probably sound like I’m saying this just because I’m in it, but I honestly think this is one of the most beautifully put together magazines I’ve been in. And my two poems are right at the beginning!

The Hungry Chimera

I can’t wait for my copy to arrive! You can buy a copy or download the digital issue for free here. I’m featured in issue 2.

Speak soon!
🙂

Healthy Body = Healthy Brain?

You know that feeling when you’re tied up in a few too many tangles and you begin to feel a bit like you’re drowning? I know that feeling only too well. I have a habit of excitedly starting several projects  – sure that I can manage them no problem. ‘Another submission? Sure thang!’

But I’ve been feeling really tired lately. I’m still really keen to do everything, and I want to get up and write or read or speak, it’s just some evenings I want to close my eyes, lay on the sofa, and just not think at all. This is probably totally normal after a long day of writing for the job I do through the week. But still, it’s made me feel a bit soft, squidgy, and rather like a long and floppy flump.

flump

So I’ve decided to be really mindful of myself, my body, how I feel, and how I think. Not giving your body the fuel it needs will cause even the most considered engine to burn out, just as pushing yourself too hard can result in a total system breakdown. I’m not the fittest person in the world, but I’m not horribly unfit. I love cake. I love biscuits. I love wine. And mead. And chorizo. Oh GODS I love chorizo. I’d had quite long periods when I’ve done yoga, but at the moment I just don’t feel like there are enough hours in the day. That statement itself is full of irony though – as a quote sticks in my head by some Yogi or other about that fact that if you can’t find the time to meditate for 15 minutes then you actually need to meditate for 30 minutes. The point is that life shouldn’t be that rushed. Isn’t it the Italians that say the rest of the world can’t understand ‘the fine art f doing nothing’? That sounds wonderful to me.

Anyway, more strenuous exercise is usually not up my street anyway. I have something called Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, which means I’m basically not as co-ordinated or strong in the extremities as would be expected. Even if I speed up to a ‘trying to act casual’ trot if I’m rushing for a bus chances are my ankle will go over or my knees will give out. Anyway. calmer exercise is ideal – something like walking.

So I can keep track of how much I’m moving, I’ve bought a FitBit. Urgh. I’m definitely not going to become one of those people who becomes all consumed with tracking everything, but it is fascinating to see how I sleep, and watch my heartrate through the day. I also picked a FitBit with breathing exercises programmed into it so I can do little min meditations through the day.

I’ve only had it since last week, but it’s definitely giving me a bit of added motivation. I’m thinking about how much water I’m drinking, how many steps I do, and my overall activity a lot more, even if it nags to get me up for a little bit every hour. I’m hoping if I look after myself better my mind will be able to deal with multi-tasking and everything else a whole lot better. The worst that can happen is that all the added activity actually makes me even more tired – ha! But luckily, so far I actually feel quite good.

And this might mean that I get to eat cake guilt free. Woopee!

mindful

Your One Phone Call

I’ve been a bit slow with updating this blog with little poems I’ve had published here and there, so I thought I’d do a mini one now!

A few months ago, Your One Phone Call published two of my poems on their website – ‘My Place’ and ‘Sun Burn’. You can read them through these links.

Working on bigger projects has meant that I haven’t had as much time to send off smaller pieces to anthologies and web journals. And there’s a few places that have requested bits and pieces from me and I still haven’t quite completed them, argh! But still, there are a few upcoming little pieces to expect from me in the next few months in The Hungry Chimera, Lungs, and Magma – among others. I’m particularly thrilled about Magma! They’re one of the top poetry magazines in the UK, and whilst I’ve been shortlisted before I never knew if I’d actually make it into an issue. And now I’ve done it! Woohoo!

to do

Right – back to work on the novel (I’m DEFINITELY doing a post sometime soon about the massive task of doing the first edit. I had no idea how long it would take to even look through a single chapter!) and my next poetry collection. Not to mention editing the White Noise & Ouija Boards Anthology, doing edits from WoMentoring, finishing up my science fiction series for Shoreline of Infinity

So much to do, so little time.

🙂

WoMentoring

A few months ago I hit a bit of a wall. I’d been writing some short stories, and though the ideas kept coming, the wall I hit was more of a metaphysical one. I totally couldn’t tell if what I was writing was actually good or complete baloney. There was no way to tell. Though the stories were all different in terms of tone and theme, I couldn’t grade any of them, or work out if some were better than others or why. It mightn’t sound that bad, but an inability to judge what you’re doing probably means you can’t edit either. So how could I tell if I was making the stories better, or worse?

Totally coincidentally, I spotted that a poet friend of mine (also being published by Valley Press this year) was a Poetry Mentor through something called WoMentoring. I investigated further, and discovered that it’s a collective of literary women who are trying to help women writers who are lost in the mires of uncertainty. Their mission is:

‘To introduce successful literary women to other women writers at the beginning of their careers who would benefit from some insight, knowledge and support.’

You choose a mentor from the lists of relevant exceptionally talented women and write a little letter, telling them what you need help with and why. I wrote to a mentor (the fantastic Tracey Emerson) and heard back within a few weeks – and it was a big fat yes! I sent her three short stories and a clutch of flash fictions and the feedback Tracey has since sent back to me is just wonderful. Overall, it’s actually really encouraging, though she’s picked up some niggles here and there that I’d never have thought of but are altogether right. It’s made me think about what to look for whilst editing – and I think it’s at this point, after days and days of the early editing is over, when I start to lose the plot.

The next stage for me is to rework one of the stories and sent it back to her for another look. I’m taking my time – I need to do it justice. I’ve officially finished the first draft of my first novel now, so I’m resting it for a month or so (if I can!) to do these WoMentoring edits and work on editing the White Noise & Ouija Boards Anthology. And then back to the novel!

If it’s relevant to you, I can’t recommend WoMentoring enough. I really can’t. I somehow still can’t believe it exists without a catch! What it does is give you hope, a hand to hold, and a way out of the wilderness. It’s perfectly summed up in this illustration, created by one of the mentors:

womentoringillo1-larger

You can read all about WoMentoring (and how to even become a Mentor!) here: https://womentoringproject.co.uk/ .

The Thing About Endings…

It’s been a helluvafewweeks. All go, and no stop. Writing, writing at the day job, attending the Northern Poetry Symposium, editing an anthology, blogging… All at the same time as managing the rest of life and bit of a sick cat.

This task mash-up normally results in my not being able to really concentrate on anything, and the sensation of my heart flit-flit-flitting in my head, rather than my chest. Does anyone else feel this way? From the outside it sounds like panic, but I don’t know if it’s actually just adrenaline. It means I’m alive – though sometimes I do wonder if feeling so alive on a long-term basis might actually do me some damage.

Brain

I’ve been keeping going with my novel plan – 1000 words a day. Sometimes I’ve done a little more, sometimes a little less, but it’s worked out pretty much there. I’m on the cusp of 36,000 words now, and since I’ve planned it as quite a shorty this means I’m in the final leg.

Endings are hard. I love writing beginnings, I love the beginnings of films, of plays. I love learning about a world and seeing the people in it for the first time. I love the mystery, the wonder. I love first impressions. But endings… Those are far more difficult. When I was younger and I used to write little stories here and there I most often used to kill the main character, as it seemed the only thing to do. So many dead protagonists… Died for nothing.

The truth is, I find it hard to imagine anything being ties up in life, so how can I emulate that in a novel? Every action we take starts a string of consequence, and sometimes they can come back to meet us again later. We go through awful things and great things, and both stick with us, so how can anything truly be resolved? This might reflect my own inability to leave things behind than anything else! And I know you don’t need everything to end at the end of a novel, but you do have to learn something that’ll change the way you live afterwards. I’ve tried to remember my favourite endings to novels and they tend to be novels that close quietly, with a thought, rather than an explosion or definite END. I don’t have such a problem ending poems, but I think this is because I see those as a snapshot. Even the poems with a  narrative tend to end on an important feature, rather than massive change. Maybe there’s something to learn from that?

Anyway, all going well, I should finish the first draft by the end of May. I’ll print it and rest the whole thing in a super-secret-cupboard during June, and then resurrect it in July, and start the long and (at the moment obscure) editing process. I imagine the editing process is going to take a LOT longer than the drafting processing. I’m not giving myself a tight deadline for this – and I’m just aiming to have it completed by the end of the year. This will mean I can work on all the other projects zipping about above my head – the full poetry collection, the book of short stories, the graphic novel, the children’s book… Not to mention the requests I’ve had for extra poems and bits and bobs for journals, and the Ghost Anthology I’m guest editing for Three Drops Press. Eeek. I’m sort of forgot about all that.

Oh well. Wish me luck!