You know that feeling when you’re tied up in a few too many tangles and you begin to feel a bit like you’re drowning? I know that feeling only too well. I have a habit of excitedly starting several projects – sure that I can manage them no problem. ‘Another submission? Sure thang!’
But I’ve been feeling really tired lately. I’m still really keen to do everything, and I want to get up and write or read or speak, it’s just some evenings I want to close my eyes, lay on the sofa, and just not think at all. This is probably totally normal after a long day of writing for the job I do through the week. But still, it’s made me feel a bit soft, squidgy, and rather like a long and floppy flump.
So I’ve decided to be really mindful of myself, my body, how I feel, and how I think. Not giving your body the fuel it needs will cause even the most considered engine to burn out, just as pushing yourself too hard can result in a total system breakdown. I’m not the fittest person in the world, but I’m not horribly unfit. I love cake. I love biscuits. I love wine. And mead. And chorizo. Oh GODS I love chorizo. I’d had quite long periods when I’ve done yoga, but at the moment I just don’t feel like there are enough hours in the day. That statement itself is full of irony though – as a quote sticks in my head by some Yogi or other about that fact that if you can’t find the time to meditate for 15 minutes then you actually need to meditate for 30 minutes. The point is that life shouldn’t be that rushed. Isn’t it the Italians that say the rest of the world can’t understand ‘the fine art f doing nothing’? That sounds wonderful to me.
Anyway, more strenuous exercise is usually not up my street anyway. I have something called Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, which means I’m basically not as co-ordinated or strong in the extremities as would be expected. Even if I speed up to a ‘trying to act casual’ trot if I’m rushing for a bus chances are my ankle will go over or my knees will give out. Anyway. calmer exercise is ideal – something like walking.
So I can keep track of how much I’m moving, I’ve bought a FitBit. Urgh. I’m definitely not going to become one of those people who becomes all consumed with tracking everything, but it is fascinating to see how I sleep, and watch my heartrate through the day. I also picked a FitBit with breathing exercises programmed into it so I can do little min meditations through the day.
I’ve only had it since last week, but it’s definitely giving me a bit of added motivation. I’m thinking about how much water I’m drinking, how many steps I do, and my overall activity a lot more, even if it nags to get me up for a little bit every hour. I’m hoping if I look after myself better my mind will be able to deal with multi-tasking and everything else a whole lot better. The worst that can happen is that all the added activity actually makes me even more tired – ha! But luckily, so far I actually feel quite good.
And this might mean that I get to eat cake guilt free. Woopee!